“My earliest memories were shrouded in confusion. I was the first born a fraternal twin. Two boys, but was I a boy? I identified more with girls than boys. I liked playing with my cousin and neighborhood friends who were all girls. We played with dolls, dress up, and all things feminine. I was doing what I enjoyed doing but saw that it was going against the norm. I was teased and made fun of by my brothers and peers. I wished I was born a girl. This led to more confusion as I grew. The wishing that I was a girl subsided only to become same sex attracted. I went out with girls because that was accepted while being attracted to boys. I came out as being gay my last year of college and spent most of my twenties and thirties in the gay lifestyle. It was a rebellious, decadent life which on some level I knew was wrong and caused many problems. I became HIV positive in the last eighties and thought that was the end of my life. God had different plans.
I was saved at a church a friend of mine was attending. It was a powerful experience and sent my life on a new trajectory. The church I was attending had a small group meeting of men struggling with SSA which I attended. I thought that I would be set free from my SSA but was not. This sent me back to my old playground where being gay was who I thought I was. My life became chaotic. Drugs, clubs, sex, and depravity. I became addicted to drugs and went downhill from there. After the death of my father, depression hit hard which led me to a psychotic episode where I tried taking my life. I woke up in the hospital confused and connected to machines that were keeping me alive. Miraculously, I began to heal, and my stats slowly became normal. I knew only God could do this and I recommitted my life to God. I was in search for a community where I could speak openly about what had happened and to fellowship with other men who could relate and would support and help me grow in my walk with Jesus. That is what led me to finding Hope2Turn. Today I continue to attend Hope2Turn meetings and experience the unconditional love through Eric and the men in the group and continue to heal and grow in my walk with Jesus.”
J.